


I Wish I Could Hate You

by midoriverte



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-17 06:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16089536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoriverte/pseuds/midoriverte
Summary: They sat there in silence for a few uncomfortable moments. Kaneki had never before been uncomfortable around Hide, and he hated what they had become.





	I Wish I Could Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short fic based on a request from an ask meme by an anon on Tumblr, but I liked the way it turned out so I figured I might as well post it here too lol.

Hide had been avoiding him. 

Normally Kaneki tried not to listen to the voice in his head that told him that the people he loved hated him and would all leave him, maybe that was why he had ignored it at first. He had told himself it was all in his head. But it was undeniable now that Hide was actively trying to make sure he was never alone in a room with Kaneki. He would dash out at meetings, not looking at Kaneki when he tried to catch his eye. He would invite other people over to their table if Kaneki tried to sit with him at lunch. He played off Kaneki’s every invitation to come over to his place, to come get coffee sometime, with vague mutterings about how he was a bit busy now and maybe some other time. 

Their conversation on the roof after Kaneki had found out Hide was alive had not been a fun one. But Kaneki felt himself remembering it fondly all the same. It had been the last time he had spent with Hide alone. 

Then it struck him. How could he have been such an idiot? He knew the one place he was sure to find Hide alone. It was so obvious that he wondered if he had subconsciously avoided figuring it out. 

He dashed over to the staircase that led to the roof. He was pretty sure he accidentally knocked some papers out of someone’s hands in his haste but he was too preoccupied to care. 

Hide was there. As though he had been waiting for Kaneki all along. 

“Hey,” Kaneki said, sitting down beside Hide, who did not seem surprised at all to see Kaneki there. As though he had, indeed, been waiting for Kaneki. 

“Hey” Hide said. 

They sat there in silence for a few uncomfortable moments. Kaneki had never before been uncomfortable around Hide, and he hated what they had become.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Kaneki asked, unwilling to beat around the bush. He sounded as tired as he felt. 

Hide sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I haven’t…meant to.” 

“What does that mean?” Kaneki demanded. 

“I don’t know, I’ve been busy, I’ve been travelling and-”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Kaneki interrupted. 

“-And it’s hard to be around you, now,” Hide confessed quietly. He sounded tired too. 

“Because of-” Kaneki gestured vaguely to Hide’s face, still covered by a scarf. He still couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. 

Hide laughed hollowly. “That’s not it. I don’t care about that.” 

Kaneki must have looked skeptical, because Hide said. “I don’t. I made my choice. And I don’t regret it. But…it’s hard to forget how you made me feel when you abandoned me-”

“I was trying to protect you!”“

“And how you still won’t admit that it was all for yourself. That you just wanted to protect yourself. That you were scared of facing me.”

Kaneki said nothing. 

“Am I wrong?” Hide said, with a sad half-smile. 

“So what, you hate me now?” Kaneki asked. It hurt more than he thought it would to say that. 

“Of course I don’t hate you!” Hide sounded genuinely angry for the first time. He tore off his scarf so quickly that Kaneki didn’t have time to look away. “Do you think that I would have let you do this to me if I hated you?” 

Kaneki shook his head, and Hide pulled his scarf back on. 

“Sometimes I wish I could hate you,” Hide said, matter-of-fact. “But I can’t, and I will never hate you.”

Hide stood up. 

“I need to get back to work,” Hide said. He made to walk away, but stopped to lightly brush his fingers over Kaneki’s hair. “Things will get better.” His voice was as soft and gentle as his artificial voice box would allow. “Give it time.” 

Kaneki remained on the roof for a while. Hide had seemed sincere, and he wanted to believe him, deep down he did believe him. 

But the words “I wish I could hate you” played on repeat in Kaneki’s head. And he thought it was worse than if Hide had said he had hated him


End file.
